Friday, February 21, 2014

Filter-Free

Do you ever wish you could have the pleasure of telling someone exactly what you think? I don't mean telling them how much you love or appreciate them. I mean really telling them what you're thinking... filter-free!

I am not very confrontational and, to avoid remorse, I usually avoid talking without a filter. I try to think hard and weigh my words before I say anything to avoid hurting or damaging the relationship I have with someone. One of my most favorite quotes comes from Maya Angelou. She said  "People will forget what you said; people will forget what you did; but people will never forget how you made them feel." 



I will be the first person to admit that I am not a Saint, but I try to let these words guide me (although, like anybody, I sometimes need to remind myself of them).

Every once in a while (a lot more often than I would like), I come across people who clearly have not heard of this quote. As I meet these people who flirt with the boundaries of appropriate human interaction, I tell myself that some really need a lesson on how to be more polite. Are these people rude or simply ignorant and oblivious to others' emotions?

To be honest, one of the reasons why I am not very confrontational/why I accommodate when I am provoked is because I often cannot find the best thing to say. My thoughts quickly split into two: I can either say what is on my mind and potentially put a dent in the relationship I have with this person or I can take a step back and preserve the relationship. 

Well, a few weeks ago, I was provoked. I do not have a very important relationship with this person who challenged my patience and I was triggered enough to reach a point where I thought being nice and accommodating would not get me anywhere. I did not care how he would feel because he clearly did not care about my feelings. This was my chance to say exactly what I was thinking. I spoke completely filter-free. I was firm, selfish and perhaps a little rude... and do you want to know something? I LOVED IT!

Yes, as the quote says, people will always remember how you make them feel; however, I have learned that if you are going to make others feel good, you will sometimes inevitably end up feeling like you have surrendered, lousy and powerless.

I am not saying you should be filter-free and confrontational all the time; it is humbling to accommodate and to not get what you want. However I do think that there is nothing wrong with being selfish on occasion and that it is perfectly acceptable to put a few little dents in relationships sometimes simply to remind ourselves of how strong the relationship is. (key words: little and sometimes!)

By the way, dear readers, I apologize for the long wait periods between blog posts. I am doing my best catching up and keeping up with life and all its little twists, turns and bumps... blogging is sometimes taking a back seat. I will try to blog more often!

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